Where to turn when a good life doesn’t feel like enough?
Summary
In this article I discuss how purpose (our reason for being) can be found if we just slowed down, looked up and let it come to us:
Predictable questions (how do I get promoted?) have predictable answers (work more, learn more)
Life questions (who am I? What’s my purpose?) have unpredictable answers
We find those unpredictable answers in the world around us. We just have to open our mind and ask ourselves questions such as, “what did I love watching as a child?”
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When a good life doesn’t feel like enough, it’s hard to know where to turn. We have a good life because we’ve been proactive. We’ve studied, pivoted, changed and learned how to do things differently and better. We’re great at finding solutions to problems such as:
How do I get promoted?
How do I get fitter for this race?
How do I prepare for these exams?
These are predictable questions, often with predictable answers - learn more, work a bit harder, network more. But, often the questions that stump us the most don’t have a predictable answer.
Who am I?
Where am I going?
What’s my purpose?
Studying and hard work aren’t the answer. For us to find an unpredictable answer we have to turn to a different source. The world around us. We have to find the unpredictable in our everyday experiences. We have to train our brain to be inspired and to learn from what is in front of us. Which is exactly what Marabeth Quin meant when she said, “the day I decided that my life was magical, there was suddenly magic all around me.”
There is magic all around you - if only you looked up from your saved carousels, podcasts and self help books - you just have to be aware enough to notice it.
We ask these big questions of ourselves at 30 (ish) because of our brain development. Our ability to handle complex information and process emotions reaches a peak - making it natural to ask: who am I?
So try this, before you read the rest of the blog. Look up. Above your normal eyeline. If you’re on a train (like I am), rest your head on the seat rest*; if you’re on your phone, put it facedown and look at something new. Take your time and patiently wait for something to appear.
*I saw a kid’s birthday party being prepared in the garden by the train tracks and I thought: how many people had to come together to make that happen? Take the paper bunting hanging in the garden. Someone designed it, someone made it, someone shipped it to the store, someone chose it and someone hung it up.
Magic in the unpredictable
For the magic to come into your life, you have to let go of the expectations that you can find it in the predictable sources. I keep getting asked for book recommendations. If someone wants to know, “what are my strengths?” I will send Marcus Buckingham’s Go Put Your Strengths to Work (check out our review here); if they want tips on how to be a great manager, I’ll recommend The Making of a Manager (review here). But these are predictable questions, with predictable neat answers. If someone asks me, “do you have any recommendations to figure out who I am?” I’ll annoyingly say something like, “what did you love reading or watching as a child?”
It might sound silly, but until you’ve tried it, I’d hold back that judgement. Liv and I just finished watching episodes 1-6 of Star Wars in Italian, to practice our Italian. I had no intention of learning anything about the big questions in life - but I did. Why? Because I’ve been practicing. In these last two years I’ve made more of a conscious effort to find inspiration in the everyday. So here they are, some unpredictable answers to those big questions in life, courtesy of Star Wars. I hope that you can find your favourite childhood movie, book or TV show - rewatch it with an open mind and let it teach you about who you really are.
Having a purpose doesn’t make you a good person
Look, the pressure is off. So many evil people had a ridiculously strong sense of purpose. The evil emperor in Star Wars is one of the most inspiringly bad people to have had a strong purpose. When you think of what purpose is: your reason for being - you can see that pretty much every evil dictator to have lived was a purpose driven individual.
Purpose has to be for other people
Going solo travelling is not your purpose. I’m sorry, it’s not. I’ve done it and it was one of the best things ever. But when you consider these words, you’ll know what I mean:
What movie did you love as a child? Watch it again and get inspired by what it can signal about who you are and where you’re going.
“The meaning of life is to find your gift. The purpose of life is to give your gift away.”
Pablo Picasso.
Going travelling can help you find your gift. It clears your mind, inspires you and gives you the time to reflect. But it isn’t purpose. Han Solo and Chewbacca travelled the galaxy doing what they were incredibly gifted at - smuggling illegal contraband. Gifts. Not purpose. Only when they signed up for a cause they were willing to die for - defeating the evil Empire - did they find their purpose.
So yes, go travelling and find your gift - but please, come back and give it away.
If you’re going to do it, do it properly
Life is too short to do a 50% job of it. You can’t fail the test and come back to resit it. You’ve got to put the work in now and nothing inspires me more than someone like George Lucas, the creator of Star Wars. There are 1000 examples I could give for how much effort he put in, but for me, a great example is this. The evil Emperor sends Anakin Skywalker and his army to the Jedi Temple to kill all the Jedi for being “traitors of the Empire.” In one scene, a teenage Jedi puts up a brave fight but is ultimately gunned down. This scene lasts about ten seconds, but it’s long enough that George Lucas gave him a name (Zett Jukass) and a lengthy back story. One detail like that doesn’t make much difference. But spend your whole life caring about those tiny parts and you’re well on the way to living a life of purpose.
“Do. Or do not. There is no try.”
I’m not going to give you a question to end on like: “are you sure you aren’t evil?” But everything in life sits on a scale and all we can do is our best. All I will say is that the worst thing you can do is to not try and make things better. Stop thinking about change. Stop wishing something was different. Stop wanting someone else to do it. In the words of Yoda, yes, I had to add a quote:
“Do. Or do not. There is no try.”
So, if you’re ready to try - let go a little bit. Stop worrying about the reading list of self help books and the saved list of podcast episodes. Just do this one thing: close your phone, look up, pay attention and let the magic come to you.
What’s next?
If you’re ready to let the magic come to you - check out our first chapter of Wildest Dream PRO. We talk about how Magic = Values + Strengths + Passions.
