Here’s How To Have A Great 1:1 With Your Team
A typical Monday
You: “I guess it’s our 1:1, what’s up?”
Your team member [Alex]: “erm, I’m…”
You: “Ahh, before we start, I just got this email from my boss asking us to work on this analytics project. Let me just open it. Yep, here we go. It’s that thing I mentioned at lunch yesterday.”
Alex: “oh, yeah. That sounded interesting.”
You: “cool, it sounds like we’re aligned then! Are you ok to get cracking?”
Alex: “sure, I’ll try.”
You: “see you next week then!”
Alex walks off, sits down at his desk and thinks: what the heck am I supposed to do with this random project?! We didn’t even get to talk about the things I’m already working on.
Unfortunately, this scenario is very common. Managers walk into a 1:1 meeting totally unprepared and proceed to dump whatever new piece of information they have on their direct reports. I’ve been there. I’ve been the direct report receiving a truck load of stress from my manager, and I’ve been the manager dumping a boat load of randomness on my team.
Let me ask you something: do you remember the best manager you ever had? Of course you do! It’s like asking who was your favourite teacher. I would bet a good amount of money that one of their traits was their ability to make you feel heard and supported during your 1:1 meetings with them.
Let me ask you something else: do you remember how much great work you did whilst you worked for this manager? I bet you did a ton! When we feel seen, we are able to point all our positive energy towards the work we need to do. It doesn’t get wasted on wondering:
What did my manager want me to do again?
Should I carry on with my other priorities?
What sort of quality are they expecting?
When am I supposed to finish this work?
Look, I’m sure we all agree that having a great 1:1 meeting with each of your team members is foundational to the success of your team’s performance. The good news is a great 1:1 isn’t only available to those highly-empathetic-peoples-people. Like most things in life, having a great 1:1 meeting with your team is a skill you can learn and develop.
Here’s how to have a great 1:1 meeting
The priorities cheat sheet
Most great regular 1:1 meetings revolve around a clear alignment on what work is important for the next seven days. Here’s how to have a great 1:1 meeting all about prioritisation.
Before the meeting: send them an email saying “here’s what I’d like to see from you in our 1:1 on Monday. Please prepare your list of topics and anything you need from me.”
Say this at the start of the meeting: “I have two things I’d like to share with you. But first, let’s go through your list of topics.”
Say this at the end of the meeting: “please drop me an email to just summarise what we discussed today. A bullet point list of priorities will suffice!”
One week later
Say this at the start of the next meeting: “I’d love to go through your list of topics, but first, let’s just get that email you sent me last week. It’ll be a great place to anchor today’s discussion.”
Why does this work?
In a sentence: you’re putting the preparation onto your team members which gives them (1) the ownership and (2) it gets them thinking about solutions, meaning (3) you’re not in rescue mode, but partner mode.
This meeting sits behind Trust
There’s a great formula for Trust:
Trust = (Reliability + Credibility + Intimacy) / Self Orientation
If we want to increase trust, we can increase Reliability, Credibility and Intimacy; and we can reduce Self Orientation. Here’s four ways to boost Trust:
Reliability: never cancel a 1:1 meeting - as soon as you do, you’re saying to Alex “this meeting (you) isn’t important to me.”
Credibility: in a non-showy-offy way share some excellent work that you’ve done with your team members. It serves to both teach them some new skills and to show them one of the reasons why you’re boss!
Intimacy: never, ever, ever forget to ask how they are - and to listen to their response. Remember your greatest manager did this a lot!
Self: always start with their topic list, not yours.
If things aren’t going well
Sometimes things aren’t all rainbows and you need to have some more honest conversations. Here are some of my favourite ways to get things back on track:
Priorities: really, this is probably the root cause. If you aren’t on the same page about what work needs to be done, I’d recommend using the priority cheat sheet above.
Calibrate what great looks like: sometimes Alex doesn’t know what you’re expecting. Have a really clear discussion about what your expectations are. Don’t use ums and ahs, just say, “I expect it to look like this by Friday.”
Two way feedback: often one of the best ways to ask how to work better together is to just ask. If you have a more shy member in your team, you can always send them an email beforehand saying, “hey, in our next 1:1 I am going to ask you for some feedback on how I can improve. Please can you write some points down and share them ahead of time.”
So there you have it
I ran a lot of 1:1 meetings as a people manager and I can comfortably say it was the most impactful use of my time every week. Over the course of a few years I developed and grew what I shared above. It’s really important to take some inspiration here, but to truly make it impactful, you have to make it your own. Do get in touch if you’d like to discuss more about running a great 1:1.
Good luck!
