Ingredients for Happiness
You’ve got everything society says you need in order to be happy. The stable, well-paid job, the home with a mortgage, the partner, the nice car and the luxury of a few nice holidays each year.
So why, then, do you still feel that slight emptiness inside? That nagging sense that while life is “good”, you could be happier? That you could and should be doing more with your life? That there is more?
Arthur Brooks - the Harvard professor, author, and expert on happiness - has shown that living a truly happy and fulfilling life requires balance and abundance across what he calls the three macronutrients of happiness. My guess is that you have the first two dialed in, but that perhaps the third might be missing.
They are:
Enjoyment
Satisfaction
Purpose
In London?
Enjoy ice baths, insightful talks or running?
Check out our community events starting in March.
Enjoyment: the immediate pleasure we feel from engaging in activities that we like. The morning coffee, a warm shower, a slice of cake, your favorite song, seeing your football team score or laughing with friends.
Engaging in pleasurable activities is essential for happiness. But here’s the catch: pleasure is fleeting and it alone won’t make you happy. You can’t simply stack enjoyable moments and expect lasting fulfillment.
There’s also a biological trap we need to be aware of: our brains are wired through 1000s of years of evolution to reward activities that promote survival. Sweet foods, lying in bed, skipping workouts - all feel good because evolution designed them that way.
Gorging on ice cream or hitting snooze might feel great in the moment, but downstream, you often feel worse. That fleeting pleasure fades and when pleasure is taken to excess, it often leaves a residue of guilt or regret behind.
I see those over-indexed on enjoyment as the “Pleasure Seekers”. They have plenty of pleasure but little sense of accomplishment and no deeper meaning in their lives. Enjoyment does matter - a life of constant deprivation is miserable - but a life of pure pleasure-seeking is dangerous.
Satisfaction: the sense of fulfillment that comes from striving, progress and earned success. It’s the joy after the struggle. It is the feeling after signing off on a major project at work, crossing a finish line, finishing a hard workout, acing an exam or coming out of a cold plunge.
The prerequisite for satisfaction is the struggle. If you cheat your way to an A, you don’t feel satisfied because there was no struggle.
I see those who have ticked the enjoyment and satisfaction boxes as the “Achievers”. It’s the successful young professional living in Parsons Green and working in the City. They have a good job, a nice car and enjoys drinks with friends on a Friday night. They live a healthy lifestyle and are a high-performer at work - never missing a Barry’s Bootcamp workout and hitting their KPIs. The enjoyment and satisfaction is there, but there’s a persistent sense that something’s missing. That something is the final macronutrient: purpose.
Purpose: the sense that your life has meaning, that you’re moving in a direction that matters, that there’s a reason why you’re here doing what you’re doing. It is the macronutrient that most people are lacking in because it is the hardest to source.
It requires time for self-reflection - a luxury many of us don’t allow ourselves in the midst of our busy lives. It requires us to think about those big, uncomfortable questions: Why am I here? What makes me feel most alive? How can I make a meaningful contribution to my communities and the world around me? Without purpose life can be “good,” but not deeply fulfilling.
I see those who hit all three macros as the “Fulfilled” - they live with meaning, thrive on challenges and allow themselves moments of pleasure.
Now I would imagine that you already experience a healthy amount of enjoyment and satisfaction in your life. You’ve got a good job and you’re a driven, high-performer after all, we thrive on making progress, achieving goals and pushing ourselves. So, the question for the Achiever is, what is the next step to becoming happier?
I’ll tell you what it’s not: chasing more enjoyment and satisfaction. Which is exactly the trap that many people often fall into. Thinking that the lasting sense of happiness we seek is found on the other side of that next holiday, promotion, payrise, bigger home or fancier car.
This is why the research shows that most people think that they will be happier at 38 than 28, but the reality is in fact the opposite. Their happiness is then lower at 48 than it was at 38. We think that in 10 years time, when we have more expensive possessions and have achieved more, then we will be happier. But, if we lack a sense of purpose in life (which sadly many people do), as we age we do not become happier. We get to 48 and find ourselves in the same office, perhaps a few rungs higher on the greasy pole, but still feeling a little empty inside, now with a few more grey hairs and wrinkles.
I totally understand, the thought of trying to find your purpose in life can feel incredibly daunting, crippling even. So what is one small, achievable step you can take right now, to begin to explore what your purpose might be?
It’s to ask yourself: “what am I curious about? What do I love learning about?” Then pick up a book or download a podcast related to that area of interest and set aside perhaps 5 minutes each day Monday to Friday or 30 minutes on a Sunday morning to explore that curiosity.
You don’t need to see the whole path right away, just begin to take those small steps. Because, as Rumi says, “as you start to walk on the way, the way appears.” But the way - being that deep, lasting sense of happiness and fulfillment in life - won’t appear if you stay still, you need to start moving.
Deepen Your Learning:
Want to learn more? Listen to this podcast of Arthur Brooks’ insights from past interviews with Dr Peter Attia: Understanding true happiness and the tools to cultivate a meaningful life
