A Land of Surprises - What We Can Learn From China
To get a visa as a UK citizen to visit China is quite a lengthy process. We listed the last 75 countries we visited, details of our doctor’s visits in 2002 and the Beijing café we planned to eat at on November 29th. Liv and I would be lying if we didn’t admit that before leaving, we had a small thought in the back of our head, “what if I do something wrong? What if I do get arrested by the Chinese secret police?” There are a few countries which strike primal fear in our western consciousness – China is one of them. Try it for yourself, a quick search on any UK or US news site will show most stories are indeed negative.
With that fear in our mind, we touched down in Shanghai for an eventful two-week trip. On the surface there are many surprising things about the city and country. Shanghai has three million CCTV cameras that cover every square metre of the city and virtually every vehicle is electric. Yet, what surprised us the most wasn’t the big brother feel, or the embracing of technology, it was the deep connection that China still has to its famous Confucian values. These values, written over 2500 years ago by the famous philosopher, showed up in so many of our interactions with the wonderful people of China.
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Value #1: Li: Ritual, Hierarchy and Proper Behaviour
As we began to explore Shanghai we weren’t arrested, recruited as spies, or even stared at. Instead we were met with what we now know to be incredible Chinese values. Did people say please, thank you, and you’re welcome? No. But that isn’t what politeness means in China. If you don’t say thank you to a waiter in the UK, you’re a bit of an asshole. In China it is totally fine. Politeness in China is shown by actions, respect for elders and social harmony. As the paying customer in the restaurant, you are part of that fabric of hierarchy. There isn’t an above and beneath feeling. It just is what it is.
In the queue for Siji Minfu, a famous Peking duck restaurant, a lovely group came up to us and said, “are you on your honeymoon?” We were taken aback. They told us that we looked very much in love and were surprised when we said we’d been together for over ten years. Following this interaction, it became quite obvious why they went out of their way to say this to us. Since we touched down in China, we hadn’t seen any locals holding hands or hugging in public. This isn’t to say Chinese people don’t love each other, they just have a strong cultural value around appropriate behaviour. It’s not that it’s wrong, or even rude, to hug in China, it just isn’t done. When we asked our 40-year-old and married tour guide, Colin, about this he just said, “we simply don’t express love in those ways. We do it through actions, such as cooking.”
Value #2: Zhi: Wisdom
“The queue for Mao’s mausoleum will be about three hours,” Colin said as we drove into the famous Tiananmen Square and under the gigantic portrait of Mao. Through our car’s windows we could see the queues snaking over the pavement leading into the central part of the square where Mao is interred. “No way! Why?” We shot back at him. In his friendly way Colin replied, “since Covid, everyone has to give their passport, fill in a form and go through multiple security checks.” Again we asked, “why are there so many security checks now?” To which he simply said, “we will never know, it is what it is.”
In schools in the UK, we are always taught to ask other people, “but, why?” It’s a way of encouraging children to build wisdom by asking questions. Similar to Confucius in China, this logic and patterns of behaviour stemmed from the methods used by the Ancient Greek philosophers, namely Socrates.
However, wisdom in China doesn’t appear to be intense public questioning and political debate. There are no upset family members at dining room tables talking about taxes and Brexit. Why would you debate something that you have no ability to influence and change? Confucius would suggest that is a waste of time. From my very limited time in China, wisdom seems to be knowing when it is fruitless to waste your energy thinking or discussing something where you have no bearing on the outcome.
Value #3: Ren: Benevolence
Given the immense language barrier we experienced pretty much everywhere in Shanghai and Beijing, the Chinese people could be forgiven for giving up on us tourists for not speaking a drop of their language. But they don’t give up. They constantly try to help you. We had random ladies coming up to us in restaurants to help us order; people taking our queue ticket so they could tell us when our number was up; and brunch spots where the servers would literally sprint from our table to get the order placed and made as fast as possible. Actions speak louder than words in China.
All of this praise for China isn’t to say I’m about to move there or even resonate with every Confucian value. But it did make me think about my own values and the point of having them. The point is that China has values, and they live them, in abundance. What stood out to me was how interred these values are. They aren’t written on posters, but built into daily behaviour. It made me reflect: what makes a value worth having?
Actionable and in your control
The best values tell you how to behave: respect hierarchy, question everything, be benevolent. They sit fully within your control. The opposite would be valuing wealth - you can’t act that value out, and you certainly aren’t in control of it.
Painful when broken
You know something is a value when breaking it makes you feel deeply uncomfortable. If, like me, you shudder when a server isn’t thanked, it probably means hierarchy isn’t your value, maybe equality or acknowledgement is.
Present & aspirational
A value you never practise isn’t a value; it’s a wish. And a value you can’t grow into isn’t a value either. Wisdom and benevolence are things you demonstrate today and deepen over time.
Reflecting on my time in China, I left with a feeling that their culture is strong. And a huge part of any culture - whether a nation, an organisation, a family or you - is what it values.
So as we approach the end of 2025 and you start to think about goals, resolutions and plans for the new year, I encourage you to step back and ask a different question:
What type of person do I want to be in 2026?
Deepen Your Curiosity
Check out this YouTube video on Confucian values which are deeply embedded in modern China.
Watch this amazing TedEd video on the Socratic Method which forms part of the foundation of western logic.
