Summary

We’ve been getting passion wrong:

A genuine passion doesn't feel effortless and exciting all of the time - it’s at times a struggle
The people who achieve remarkable things are the ones who have endured those boring, painful bits too
Avoiding your passion doesn't make life any easier - regret stings
Look for what you keep returning to - that's the real clue to finding what you are truly passionate about

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"Why am I here? Why am I doing this?" I ask myself, as I nervously tread the freezing water beneath me. I'm anxious, scared. A sick feeling sitting in my stomach. "Athletes ready!" cries the Race Director. I stare out into the dark lake. Into the unknown.

"BANG!" The gun goes off. I throw myself forward, the cold water stinging my face as my head goes under. Elbows dig into my side, as we jostle for position in the front swim pack and I think to myself "this is going to be a long day".

Passion - have we been misled?

Getting into the freezing water at the start of the Swedeman Extreme Triathlon.

Here I was, on the start line of my most recent race, the Swedeman Extreme Triathlon. Triathlon is a real passion of mine, but going off how I was feeling in that moment, you probably wouldn't have thought so.

"If you do something you love, you'll never work a day in your life," they tell you. "Doing what you're passionate about will make you feel great, all of the time."

That's the story we've been sold and I think it's misleading. Warm, effortless, constantly inspiring - that's not how genuine passion actually looks or feels. And if that's what you're waiting for, you'll be waiting a long time my friend.

When I am standing on a start line - whether in Sweden or anywhere in the world - scared and anxious, or when I'm out on the bike, legs burning, fighting the wind, with a half marathon still to come - that warm, fuzzy feeling of passion is nowhere to be found.

So what keeps me going? Inspiring the people around me. Competing. Exploring my potential. Pushing my own limits. Making my wife Majd and my family proud. I can suffer through the pain and discomfort because I've chosen it and because it connects me to something beyond myself.

And here's the twist. That IS passion. It's not the warm, fuzzy feeling. It's the fight.

Of course, most of the time the training and racing is fun (otherwise I wouldn't do it!). But there are still plenty of moments that don't feel good at all. My brain makes a million excuses not to continue on those dark, wet Monday morning runs through London; or when I'm pushing through in the final kilometre after hours of racing; or when I'm counting tiles on the bottom of the pool at the Vauxhall Leisure Centre. But I do it anyway. Why? Because I'm passionate about it.

This is what passion is

What you're passionate about is not something that feels great all of the time. It's a cause worth fighting for, even when - wait, no - especially when it gets hard and it hurts. Whether that's the physical pain of a triathlon or 10k, the emotional pain of a setback whilst building your business, or the mental discomfort of putting yourself out there on social media to share your message with the world.

So if passion isn't something that feels good all of the time, what is it? I believe it's something you care about deeply enough to endure the parts that feel terrible. In other words, it is not the absence of struggle, but the thing that makes the struggle worth it.

Or, as Mark Manson puts it:

"The point isn't to get away from the shit. The point is to find the shit that you enjoy dealing with."

When you’re passionate about something you keep showing up even when it gets hard.

Passion is the reason you keep showing up on the days when it would be easier not to. When the novelty has worn off. When the progress is invisible. When nobody's watching and there's no applause. The people who achieve remarkable things aren't the ones who find something that is effortlessly exciting every single day. They're the ones who love something enough to do the boring, painful bits too - the bits that make you want to quit.

Serena Williams, David Attenborough, Malala Yousafzai. All passionate people - and all, I'm sure - would be the first to tell you about the struggle and sacrifice they endured in pursuit of their passions.

The other side of the coin

What happens if you never find your passion? Or worse - what happens if you sense something is there, but you never give yourself permission to go after it? You drift, filling your time with things that are "fine" but that never truly light you up, optimising for comfort or for what other people expect of you - and your days slip into weeks, months, years.

And that voice whispering that there's something more, it never goes away. Until one day you realise, regretfully, that you built an entire life around avoiding the very thing that would have made it meaningful. That's the risk and it is a big one.

As the Stoic philosopher William B. Irvine once said:

"What is worse than failing? Never trying because you were afraid of failing."

To which I'd add: what is worse than the struggle to find your passion? Never trying because it's a struggle.

But what if I don't have any passions?

"Pat, I wish I was passionate about something - but there really isn't anything." If that's you right now, it's okay. You do have a passion - trust me - you just haven't found it yet.

And here's what I suggest to help you: stop looking only for what lights you up and start paying attention to what you keep coming back to. What's the thing you keep doing anyway, even when it's hard, even when the results aren't there yet? The thing you can't stop thinking about? The craft you keep practising even when nobody's asking you to?

That's the clue we should be looking for. Not the excitement alone - the return. The fact that you keep choosing it even when the choosing is hard.

So, when it comes to passion, I think we should stop looking for the thing that feels great all the time (it doesn't exist). Instead, I believe that we should look for the thing that excites us most of the time and that we'd suffer for during those moments it doesn't feel good at all. That is where your passion lies. One you can build an incredible, meaningful life around.

Deepen Your Curiosity

William B. Irvine - A Guide to the Good Life: The Ancient Art of Stoic Joy. A book I am currently reading - packed with great, practical insights into how to endure the inevitable challenges and hardship you will face in building a meaningful life.
A short and brutally honest video of Mark Manson on passion (I apologise for his language - sorry Mum, if you’re reading!)

Passion Isn't What You Think It Is