Do Small Things To Be Purposeful
Summary
We believe a great way to think about purpose is to be purposeful. Being purposeful means doing something you’re great at, and doing it for other people. This lesson can be applied whether it’s in your long term relationship, for a friend or in your career.
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When my friend and co-founder, Pat, came over to our house in Florence, I made him a beautiful seafood risotto. Whilst sat across from Liv and me, he told us every thirty seconds just how good it is. It is good, trust me.
And whilst Pat was espousing its virtues, we nodded along, pretending to be equally overjoyed as he was with the quality of the Tuscan prawns. But Liv and I are not, not really. Because we’ve had it before - three times in the last month. You see, when you’re with each other for ten years like Liv and I have been, you increasingly run out of ways to surprise them because you’ve done so much of it already.
In her own way, Liv has done the same thing to me. After a decade, I have become habituated to her insanely high quality of love and support. It no longer surprises me when I sit on the sofa writing this at 7.17pm and she walks in and says she’s making dinner. It definitely doesn’t surprise me when she says, “I’ve fed Mango.” And it definitely doesn’t surprise me when she throws down all her work to spend yesterday with me on account of me having a rubbish day.
But every now and again, she does surprise me.
Because, just a few moments ago, as I finished up some bits of work and before I started writing this she walked in looking all sheepish. I knew she’d done something nice. In fact, she knew she’d done something nice.
She brought me a little bowl of some beautiful Italian olives. There’s 1000 things she could have been doing or thinking about, but whilst I was sitting here on the sofa and she was in the kitchen, I knew that at that moment she was thinking of me.
Purposeful, not purpose
That’s the point about purpose. On a daily basis, we’re bombarded with posts that show us 30 year olds doing tremendous things who appear to have very purposeful lives - such as sailing across the Atlantic to save a tiny sea bird on a Caribbean island from extinction. And whilst I wouldn’t knock this young sailor, I would knock the system that holds them up as somehow “normal”. It just simply isn’t.
Most 30 year olds are wondering what the heck to do with their lives and if that’s you, I’d like to nudge you a bit closer to what we call being purposeful.
Your purpose could be “saving tiny sea birds on Caribbean islands from extinction,” but being purposeful can be doing something you're great at and doing it for other people (or birds).
This is where the olives come in. We should all take a lesson from Liv, because she did something purposeful just now. She did something she is great at (thinking of others) and doing it for other people (lucky me). Because, the people who really go on to live a life of meaning have a very strong purposeful muscle on account of all the giving to other people.
Find an opportunity today
So, no matter where you are on the spectrum of “No Purpose ↔ Saving Tiny Sea Birds”, I implore you to find ways to be purposeful in your daily life. Whether you’ve been in a relationship since high-school - or you have a friend you could surprise - find a way today to surprise them. Pick up some flowers on your way home, organise a secret bike ride, clean the bathroom, write them a note - it doesn’t matter what it is you do, what matters is that you take five minutes out of your day to think of them.
The crazy thing is, once you stop worrying about what your purpose is and start focusing on being purposeful, you will start to feel great about life. So what are you waiting for? Go and bring someone some olives.
One more thing
P.S. not to be outdone but I just left a paper note in her laptop saying “I <3 U”.
P.P.S. not to be outdone, Liv has now left a paper note in my gym draw saying “I LOVE YOUUUU”
