How To Have An Unfulfilling Life
Summary
Sometimes it’s easier to know what not to do, so you know what to do. Here are five tongue-in-cheek lessons on the habits that quietly kill a fulfilling life:
Stop learning so you stop growing.
Say no to anything that makes you uncomfortable. For discomfort is a sign that there is potential for growth.
Continue blaming the world for what you don’t have and instead wait for it to come to you.
Don’t make any plans, as you could fail at them and failure leads to learning, and learning leads to growth.
Don’t spend time with other people as they might encourage you to realise your full potential
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People always ask us, “Patrick, Jack, how do I get more meaning and fulfilment in my life?” The problem isn’t that I don’t know the answer, it’s just that there are many solutions. However, what I can share with you is a clear cut guarantee on how to live a completely unfulfilled life.
So, here you go, my five steps to an unfulfilled life. I cannot stress enough - you must do all of these things if you want to waste your life.
1 - Never learn anything, ever
This has to start young - ideally your parents, teachers and friends would have drilled into you since childhood that “you’re born with your lot and that’s it!” Sure, you can study and you might remember a few facts, but can you really become smarter and more creative? Of course you can’t! Therefore, always remember this rule:
Whatever your IQ is when you’re born, that’s what it will be when you die.
Some of us are unlucky and we had pesky parents who encouraged us and told us that we could grow and become more intelligent throughout our childhoods. It’s not ideal if you want to throw away your potential, but it is what it is.
No bother though, just wait for adulthood and when you go to the world of work - that is the real opportunity to push away learning like it’s the plague. Sure, we all know that school caaaan be for learning, but work - that’s for doing things.
Seriously, if you want to guarantee that you don’t fulfil your potential at work, get into the office on day 1, receive the instructions, get your head down and my god, do not ask a single question. For questions are the seed of learning and moreover, they are a sign that you don’t know what you’re talking about. Let’s put this in italics too, because it’s well worth remembering:
Do not ask questions. Questions help you to learn and learning leads to a life of fulfilment.
2 - I implore you to never say “yes”
Isn’t this the most annoying thing ever? You meet a friend for a coffee, you know the one who just came back from a trip abroad, or who just had a job interview, or who just got engaged. They’re always so shiny with happiness. Well, you don’t want to be like that do you.
What does this type of pesky fulfilled shiny person always do? They say yes! “Yes, I’d love to travel around the world.” “Yes, I am smart enough to apply for that job.” “Yes, I will take that risk and propose!!” They’re always so sure of themselves, as if saying yes on repeat since childhood has given them this belief that everything will be alright.
But I don’t want that for you. I want you to guarantee that you’ll be unfulfilled. So promise me this:
Say no more than you say yes always.
The good thing is that if you say no often enough, you’ll never have to reject anyone. Sure, your friends might invite you to a few things, but if you say no enough, trust me, they’ll never invite you again.
It works in your favour for your career too. If you apply for a job (please don’t!?), you run the risk of getting an interview and we know what happens after interviews - REJECTION! Seriously, who wants that? It’s so much safer, simpler and downright predictable if we just say no. I am sure you agree with me that saying no is a surefire way to guarantee an unfulfilled life - but, I hear you asking, “what should I say no to?”
Say no to anything that makes you uncomfortable.
For discomfort is a sign that there is potential for growth and growth is the seed of fulfilment.
Before we move on to one of my favourite ways to guarantee a wasted life, I’ll just say this, in case it isn’t clear, by saying no, we are avoiding the one thing that guarantees learning, growth and fulfilment: failure.
3 - Be a victim
Let’s recap where we are so far - to guarantee an unfulfilled life we need to first, agree to never learn anything and second, say “no”. These are good tips, trust me - but, if you really want to guarantee you need to go a step further and always play the victim.
I know you know what a victim is - we’ve all been one - but it’s worth repeating it here so we can be on the same page:
As a victim, I promise to complain about everything. Whether it’s my fault, someone else’s or the universe’s.
Signed: ___________
It’s really important to stress that, even if it is your fault, it’s so important to not take responsibility. You didn’t get that job? Wait for someone to come and offer you a different one. You didn’t get the promotion? Wait for your manager to reach out to you. You missed your last week of workouts? Wait for your friends to drag you out of the house for a run.
Remember that shiny person we met before, the one who’d just been travelling, applied for a new job and got engaged? They’re highly likely to embrace what we’d call a warrior mindset. They seek out challenges that are worthy of them. Ignore that advice and instead continue blaming the world for what you don’t have - trust me, it’ll help you to be unfulfilled.
4 - Never, ever, underestimate the damage having a plan can do
Don’t you just despise that person - the shiny one in the coffee shop - who had made a vision board of their adventure around South America before they went? The people they would meet, the languages they would learn, the foods they would try and the sights they would see. If you’re anything like me and want a life of unfulfilled and wasted potential, ignore them.
I mentioned to you before that we want to minimise our exposure to failure. Remember, failure leads to learning, and learning leads to growth. What happens when we set a plan, a vision, a goal? We open ourselves up to the opportunity to fail. I implore you to not listen to your shiny friend, they’ll tell you, “oh, I set the plan, I was worried about it, but honestly, it worked out so much better than I could ever have imagined. To be honest, I wouldn’t be where I am without the plan!”
These people.
They’re always doing stuff.
They’re always moving from one thing to the next.
I don’t want that for you - I want you to be unfulfilled. So please, no plans.
5 - Don’t spend time with others
You’ve already broken one rule.By even reading this blog, you're interacting with one more person than you should. To really guarantee a life of deep unfulfilment, I want you to promise me that you will stop interacting with people.
If you forget everything else I told you, just do this one thing and you’ll be 90% of the way to an unfulfilled life:
Do things alone.
If you truly want to guarantee you waste your potential, you’ll make sure you avoid those people that make you laugh, that teach you, that encourage you to start, that tell you that it is in fact your problem, that tell you to dream bigger and make plans.
You want to avoid those people at all costs. Because if you spend your time around people like that, they may well just drag you out of your dark cave, shine a light on you and encourage you to realise your potential.
Deepen Your Curiosity
Carol Dweck's Mindset is the definitive read on the fixed vs growth mindset, and the backbone of section one - it is worth every page.
