Mark Manson on Values
WHY YOU SHOULD LISTEN:
If you're doing all the “right” things and it still doesn't feel like enough, this episode will help you work out why that is and what to actually do about it.
PAT’S TAKE
When I first listened to this podcast episode, something really powerful struck me: most people suffer not because they have the wrong values, but because they are living a life and operating within systems which are not aligned with their values.
For some people, they are very much aware of this mismatch. For others, they sense something isn’t quite right, but can’t put their finger on what exactly it is.
In our society and culture today, the knee-jerk reaction in the self-improvement world is to start with the new healthy habit - to change behavior first and then expect that all else will follow. But it doesn’t. We first need to start with ourselves and, more specifically, with what we value.
This approach is supported by Manson in this podcast episode, told through the psychologist Carl Rogers’ curious paradox - being that it is only when we accept ourselves just as we are, that we can then begin to change.
Don’t make the mistake that I once did of missing that first step. Start with understanding values, then look to make changes in your life that align with those values. That is how you will make positive, lasting change in your life and listening to this podcast episode is a great first step to take along that path.
KEY IDEAS
① Values inspire action, preferences don’t. Don’t mistake a preference for a value. A preference is something you like (“I prefer working from home but will go in 5 days a week if needed”). A value is something you are prepared to act on, even make sacrifices for (“I value family and need a job that provides flexible working so that I can be present for my kids”).
② Self-enhancement vs. self-transcendence values. Schwartz’s Values Wheel has two opposite ends - on one side self-enhancement values (achievement, growth) and on the other self-transcendence values (service, helping others). Self-enhancement values help us progress in and through life, self-transcendence values give our life meaning and purpose.
③ Values mean nothing in isolation. A value of achievement is empty without anything to achieve. Combine achievement with the value of craft and you have something to aim your value of achievement at - being to progress and achieve success in your craft. Well-being and flourishing is found in the combination of our values.
④ You do have values, you just haven’t found them yet. We all have values which are deeply ingrained in us and those who claim to not have any values just haven’t given themselves the time and space to identify what they are. The desert island test (what would you do with unlimited time and no obligations) or the funeral test (what do you want people to say about you when you are gone) are great places to begin.
LISTEN TO THIS IF…
You feel busy and outwardly "successful" but can't explain why it doesn't feel like enough
You want practical frameworks and tools to identify what you actually value, not what you've been told to value
You're at a crossroads in life and want to make sure that you are making the right decision
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